Helplessness.

Everyone has experienced a point in their life where they don't have a solution. Sometimes for themselves, sometimes for others. That feeling of helplessness is sincerely a terrible feeling. No one wants to be rendered without solution, without a plan, without any direction or advice. Personally, I wish I could fix everything. I wish I had super-human powers, and that I would never experience such a feeling. It's hard enough to experience this feeling in my own life, where I should have complete control. But to see the people I love suffer and not be able to help in any way, that hurts so much more. I would rather suffer twice over than see a friend suffer. That is, simply, the kind of person I am. I dislike the way saying such makes me sound, as I am so far from good it's overwhelming. I suppose you could call me a masochist, though I don't search pain out. I would much rather concentrate the pain of others within myself than observe their tribulations. Given the mistakes I've made, the pain I've caused, the remainder of my past, I certainly believe I deserve such struggles in my life. I was once a wicked person, and I'll spend the rest of my life attempting to make up for it. And yet as hard as I try to take on the problems of others, it solves nothing. I am still helpless, and they are still suffering. I cannot do anything to stop it. This is the source of my frustration tonight. Pain and suffering, though not at my hand, is not something I can easily alleviate. I don't enjoy watching my friends struggle. I detest such helplessness. I imagine I am not alone in this feeling. Yet, this is life. And nothing I can do will change that. I'm helpless to relieving my helplessness. I can only try to take the burdens on myself, and fail many times.