Child;

There's something really amazing about going back to your childhood. I highly recommend that people do it frequently, through whatever means necessary. Coloring is possibly the simplest means of that 'kid again' feeling. Movies are another great way. I absolutely adore Disney movies, shows from when I was a kid, etc. etc. There's something really special about remembering that time in your life--when things didn't matter as much, when you had less responsibilities, when you were as close to care-free as you've ever been. It's amazing how, when you look back, everything has changed. In my life, anyway. Things used to be simple. Everything was a good thing, new and improved in some fashion. I'd only been around on planet earth for a few years, so why wouldn't it be? Even the bad stuff was minor, it bounced off in a heartbeat. But as I grew up, I started to take all of the good stuff for granted. All of the simplicity that once amazed me was merely expectation. And so I ran out of positive to find, and the negative seemed plentiful. It still does. I mean, as anyone else, I expect life to be good. We have this foolish belief that normal means things are good, that we're happy, that everything is just fine. We've developed this concept of 'fair' in life, the belief that things are supposed to be good. And so comes the common misconception that life isn't fair. Just because things don't always go our way. That's not right, at all. The reason we lost what we had as kids is because we have been around too long. We've learned from others who have already forgotten the beauty of the everyday. Their influence allowed us to do the same. And now we're all pessimists of varying degrees, each expecting life to disappoint because what we believe should be is entirely unrealistic. That's why it's so important to remind ourselves of that time, when there was plenty of good and the bad didn't matter. Shoot, maybe if we acted like children more often we'd be a little more content with our lives. But we all do what we do, growing, maturing and the like--we find a way to have fun...new ways to have fun. Partying, for the most part. That's the killer, there. But hey, who are we to fight the destiny of your average human being, eh?

75mph.

Life is one of those things you just...figure out as you go.
But if there's anything I've realized, it's that I'm not doing a very good job of that.
There's a lot of stuff that's happened in my life. As in any life, really. But instead of facing the past, the present, the future, I try to run away from it. So it seems anyway, while I'm here at home.
I believe there is a lot that I've overdone in my head. Sometimes I worry about the flaws in one's memory...maybe things didn't go as I thought they did. My memory is pretty bad as it is. Whether they did or didn't, I am well aware that I need to make peace with my past to continue on with my life. I tend to be really good at knowing what needs done, but incredibly awful at actually going through with it.
So, coming home I've started working. I work a lot. To the point that I literally let my work take over my life. The problem comes when I don't work enough. I find myself working, speeding on so that I can leave the past in the past...and then I have a day off, with absolutely nothing to do. 24 hours for the past to catch up with me and do a little damage. I am perfectly fine with this speed-crash-speed-crash tempo I have going.
It only appears to really be a problem when I am at home, for existing reasons I imagine.
But I also know that it's more than a speed-crash tempo. That sooner or later I'm going to have to take the time to sort stuff out and quit running.
The hardest thing an individual may have to do in life is to stop and face their demons. Demons are pretty tricky creatures...reference? Paranormal Activity, haha. It's truly a difficult dilemma to find yourself in. I know what is required of me. I am well aware of what I have to do. But these are things I swore to myself I would never do. So, I keep going. Hoping that I'll find another solution, one I can endure with a little more poise.
That's life, right?
Doing whatever it takes to get by until you can fix it all up. If you ever can.
And in the meantime, I just need to keep my focus on the good. There truly is a lot to be said for optimism.