75mph.

Life is one of those things you just...figure out as you go.
But if there's anything I've realized, it's that I'm not doing a very good job of that.
There's a lot of stuff that's happened in my life. As in any life, really. But instead of facing the past, the present, the future, I try to run away from it. So it seems anyway, while I'm here at home.
I believe there is a lot that I've overdone in my head. Sometimes I worry about the flaws in one's memory...maybe things didn't go as I thought they did. My memory is pretty bad as it is. Whether they did or didn't, I am well aware that I need to make peace with my past to continue on with my life. I tend to be really good at knowing what needs done, but incredibly awful at actually going through with it.
So, coming home I've started working. I work a lot. To the point that I literally let my work take over my life. The problem comes when I don't work enough. I find myself working, speeding on so that I can leave the past in the past...and then I have a day off, with absolutely nothing to do. 24 hours for the past to catch up with me and do a little damage. I am perfectly fine with this speed-crash-speed-crash tempo I have going.
It only appears to really be a problem when I am at home, for existing reasons I imagine.
But I also know that it's more than a speed-crash tempo. That sooner or later I'm going to have to take the time to sort stuff out and quit running.
The hardest thing an individual may have to do in life is to stop and face their demons. Demons are pretty tricky creatures...reference? Paranormal Activity, haha. It's truly a difficult dilemma to find yourself in. I know what is required of me. I am well aware of what I have to do. But these are things I swore to myself I would never do. So, I keep going. Hoping that I'll find another solution, one I can endure with a little more poise.
That's life, right?
Doing whatever it takes to get by until you can fix it all up. If you ever can.
And in the meantime, I just need to keep my focus on the good. There truly is a lot to be said for optimism.